i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
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My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
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Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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