how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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