i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
