hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
