You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
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after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
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Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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