yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
