when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
