Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
