Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
