areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
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I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
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I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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