Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
