but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
