I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
