Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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