I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize