Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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