10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just found puke in my bra..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
