I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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