Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
