The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
