i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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