There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
