I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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