Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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