He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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