I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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