u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
