you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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