There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
