Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Text me some of your sweat
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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