girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
