Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
