youre lurking in front of me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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