At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
