When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
