I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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