i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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