Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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