I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
