I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
