Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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