Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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