so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
this must be what syphilis tastes like
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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