I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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