I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You need Xanax blowdarts
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
