You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
