Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
