the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
