dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
