Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
