I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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