dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
