She's JV to your varsity
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
