I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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