I forgot how hot balto sounded
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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