I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
