So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I would fuck him just for his dog
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
