I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She's like a pop up book from hell.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
