Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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