I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
