the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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