problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
id be glad to
tonight lets celebrate not being married
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
