I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
