He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think your dad took our porno
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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