I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Randomize
