i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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