i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
