there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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