LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
