the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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