What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
