let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
