Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
