There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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