Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
