What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
