Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
