I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
