i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
