If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
