I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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