You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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