i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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