Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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