I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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