seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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