Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
