you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
